Trying to find myself again through all my alcohol-damaged pathways in my brain has become a daring exercise in my life. There’s a lot of bad stuff on these neurological pathways all distorted by alcohol abuse, all twisted outta fecking shape which all made sense when I was drunk everyday.
And now in reality I realize how fucked up I must’ve been because Einstein himself could not have worked out all the mad shit that went on in my head.
And looking at it from a sober standpoint, it was something as easy as someone paying you a debt of 10 pounds instead of just saying, “thank you, mate”, then get on with the rest of your day. When I was drunk, it would go down like this: Why did he give me that back. Is he looking for more, or is he planning on to do something bad to me on my own and hit me with a hammer, then steal all my money!?
I will stop there because this is the way a drunk mind works. From something simple, you made it into the worse scary situation possible. And trying to find myself again in all that confusing mumbo jumbo shite in my brain, sometimes I will get trapped in some confusing shite in my head and get lost there for ages.
Your mind can be a very beautiful thing or a very evil thing at times. I have to tread very slowly round my thoughts ’cause they can help me , or if I am not careful, can destroy me in seconds.
Being sober has made me stronger that I could imagine. I was always able to look after myself, but being sober has given me more mental strength than I imagined possible.