Sitting here, 3 a.m., no sleep again; my life without drink, this is it.
Getting sleep when you can, waiting for the next day, the same new shit.
I needed to get sober; I didn’t really have a choice, it was live or die,
Of course I wanted to live, but everything is scary or boring, can’t figure out why.
I see all the beautiful things out there, but all I feel is loneliness and fear,
I have so many who love me; I know this, but still I want no one near.
How long will it take so I can feel love, happy contentment that’s all real?
Everybody trying to help, but I won’t let anyone in, I don’t know what it’s like to feel.
At the end of the day, all I can do is wait and pray and hope,
For now I will stay sober, healthy, happy as I can and just cope.
I am just hoping to wake up and be happy and have a purpose in life,
People, God love them, pick me apart and advise me, but I need to fix my strife.
I have always done the exact opposite of what I’ve been told or advised,
And thinking of it, it’s probably the cause of my self-destruction and demise,
But not like getting help or assistance cause not wanting to look weak,
My life is just ifs and buts, do’s and don’ts while I continue to seek…..