The difference between a drinker and an alcoholic to me is a drinker goes and gets drunk and the next day, those famous words, “I will never drink again.” I had those days and wish I hadn’t learnt the art that a beer in the morning down your neck takes away that shitty feeling. Soon I just was permanently staying topped with alcohol, and then I was fucked because I couldn’t stop.
As each day went by, each week, each month, each year I was too far down the alcohol road to return. Then the drink owned me and I was its bitch. It was fucking me up slowly but surely and everything around me fell apart. I had no friends, family couldn’t help me anymore, and the only relationship I had was with my drink. I gambled, got into debt with scary people, was never out of trouble, did jail time, and my kids—well, my drink came first. It came before anything.
A lot of people never knew I was drunk ALL the time. I can truthfully say that when I was sober, (for me that means I only had a couple of bottles of cider in me) people would say, “You’re in a bad shape tonight”. Yet, to me I was normal. Thinking about it, I never really knew what shape I was in. Drink owned me, and I never had anything else in my life. It sounds weird, but the only thing that was keeping me going was the drink. It was actually killing me slowly and taking away all that I loved as well. Killing me and torturing me, at the same time.
Drink, for me, is an evil, conniving bastard. For most, it’s an enjoyable, fun, relaxing thing. But I, like many, am one of them poor bastards that go chasing that buzz. When you learn how to beat a hangover, enjoy yourself all by being drunk permanently.
You think you have conquered the joy of permanent happiness, but all you have done is let the demons in, and then they start to enjoy themselves by killing and torturing you slowly. So my advice: enjoy your hangovers, because when you learn how to beat them by drinking again, you have just stepped into hell, and your worst nightmares await you!!
It can happen to anyone at anytime. Don’t think you’re invincible, because you’re not.
July 1, 2017