Why Did I Stop

dead-endSome people get a sign from above. Some people realize what it’s doing to their life. There are lots of reasons why people stop drinking. Mine, to me, was simple: within months, maybe weeks, could’ve been fucking days, I would die.

My stomach had bled out for the 3rd time. I had lost 8 units of blood, and they were sticking someone else’s blood round my veins (transfusion). I was later told not many people survive these bleeds even one time; this was my 3rd one. And somewhere deep inside me, I knew this was my last chance. I can tell you I have had more lives than a family of cats.

This was my wake up call! Live or die, it was as simple as that!!

I had pushed this demon a.k.a. alcohol as far as I could so many times, I used hospitals as garages. I got fixed up and left. That’s all hospitals were to me: M.O.T. centres. Fixed up and then went back to my fill up station a.k.a. off license to get more petrol a.k.a. alcohol and off I would go….off again to get drunk and have more sad tales to tell.

14 months ago, I never got out of hospital and went straight to an off license to get drink. I went to rehab because I wanted to live, and here I am today writing my story.

I have achieved a lot in such a short space of time, this time not just all broken promises. My first goals were as follows:

  • to walk properly again without the aid of a walking stick
  • to go on a foreign holiday
  • to get to see all my children again
  • to be around my family and real friends

And within that 14 months (and one more date at the end of this month with the family courts), I have achieved all of them. At the end of the month I can set new goals and achieve them. The way I look at recovery, the minute you don’t have that next drink that every sinew in your body and mind is telling you to have, you can conquer the world and no achievement or goal is out of reach. So, yes, everyday we say “No” we get stronger, we get healthier, and we get everything good we want coming into our lives.

I have actually been in Hell and climbed my way back out of it. Hell is where your worst nightmares become your good dreams, and then your real nightmares begin. I don’t know if many you will get that, but to me, that’s what Hell is!! When you’re an alcoholic, every sober day is a beautiful dream when you compare it to a drunken day.

My main thing I have also learnt is that things take time. Patience is something I never ever had, but now I have a bit. lol. I realize there’s no quick fix in sobriety. It’s a day by day process and you do whatever suits you and helps you. Nothing else. And day by day you start to live!!


July 11, 2017


Published by

Darren Graham

Never mind me just read lol

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